Selfish Desperation

The pain won't go away,
I can think of nothing else,
It's getting worse every day,
It's absolutely maddening, at best.

Nobody understands me,
They think it's in my head,
Maybe they'll finally believe,
When someone finds me dead.

The thought has crossed my mind,
More than a time or two,
Is everybody blind?
Can't they see what I might do?

I'm trying my best to focus,
I can't do it for very long,
I wonder if people would notice,
If I was suddenly gone?

I've struggled all my life,
To be the kind of man,
That everyone would like,
But, apparently, I can't.

I'm finally finished trying,
I've been lying for so long,
I'm not afraid of dying,
I hope they miss me when I'm gone.